Boys, Men, and the quiet crisis we can no longer ignore

The new State of UK Men 2025 report from Equimundo and Beyond Equality report is excellent. Congratulations and thank you to all involved for creating and communicating a real addition to the landscape of male health. It puts solid data and clear language to something many of us working with boys and men have been feeling for years. If you haven’t already, I’d encourage you to read and digest it, as there’s much to pore over!

As President of the British Society of Lifestyle Medicine and a school doctor who spends much of the day supporting and learning from teenage boys, I read this report with great interest. It made for genuinely emotional reading at points. Honestly, the predominant emotion was sadness that so many men are struggling. There was also a sense that this legitimately represented my experience caring for and supporting boys and young men. I also felt real sense of urgency because the scale of this is not niche. It is widespread and national. Hence why I thought I’d put metaphorical pen to paper, or fingers to keys.

This report also echoes the message of my BSLM25 conference talk, What About Men. Supporting boys and men is not a distraction from equality. It is a requirement for it. When men do better, society does better. When boys and men feel safe, connected, purposeful, and supported, everyone benefits.

The loneliness beneath the surface

Let’s start with one of the most concerning figures in the entire document: 45% of men have thought about self-harm or suicide, and more than two-thirds report negative mental health symptoms in the previous two weeks.

These are not small numbers. These are not fringe groups. These are men we work with, live with, and love. The report also shows that almost two-thirds of men say they have to look out for themselves because no one else has their back.

That is a profound statement. It speaks to a deep sense of isolation, even while surrounded by people. In schools, I see this every week. Boys who will tolerate physical pain far more readily than emotional discomfort. Boys who fear that asking for help makes them a burden. Boys who have never been told that sharing a worry is a sign of strength.

A source of hope: friendship

And yet, one of the most hopeful findings is this: 91% of men and women say being a friend is the defining quality of being a man today.

Not the qualities that are promoted by those leading boys and men away from equality and happiness in the Manosphere. One that includes the stereotypical and damaging characteristics of aggression and dominance. Not even the more insidious ‘status’ or ‘high-value’… but friendship.

This should make us pause. When asked to describe an “ideal man”, the words that appeared most frequently were things like honest, kind, caring, supportive, and family-oriented.

This aligns with what I see in the medical centre and in the quieter corners of school life. When boys feel safe enough to show you who they are, they are often gentle, loyal, funny, and kind.

But here lies the tension: men value friendship, but many struggle to use it. The ‘Man Box’ still teaches boys to cope alone, stay stoic, and present strength even when it costs them dearly.

Purpose, pressure, and the economics of being a man

The report is clear that financial insecurity and uncertainty about the future are driving a crisis of purpose.

Many men in the UK are struggling to find a sense of purpose. Men and women are almost evenly split between feeling that life is meaningful and feeling it isn’t, but younger men and those on lower incomes are the least likely to feel their lives have purpose. This isn’t about lack of ambition. It’s the reality that you cannot build meaning on unstable ground. When half of men are constantly worrying about their financial future, purpose becomes harder to hold onto.

At the same time, traditional ideas of masculinity still tell men they should provide, succeed, and cope alone. When expectations stay rigid but opportunities narrow, that gap breeds frustration, anxiety, and a quiet sense of failure. No wonder so many younger men report feeling directionless and disillusioned.

Yet the report also shows that men still find meaning in care, family, friendship, and community. Purpose isn’t missing. It’s simply harder to access in a landscape of insecurity.
Our task, and ultimately the task of our politicians and leaders, is to help create the stability and support that allow men to build the purposeful lives they clearly want.

The digital world, a double-edged sword

The report highlights that a third of men say their online social life is more rewarding than their offline one. That is concerning, I feel the more we can be connected to ‘real life’ the better. Online spaces meet needs that offline life sometimes fails to meet. But in doing so, they can be exposed to harmful narratives within minutes. Not because they go looking for them, but because the algorithms push them there. This is not a reason to fear boys. It is a reason to support them. Boys are not inherently harmful by nature. They are becoming influenced by design.

We need to create and support environments, preferably real but digital as well, where belonging is offered without any toxicity.

Love, relationships, and quiet resignation

One statistic that deserves national attention: one in four UK men believes no one will ever fall in love with them.

Is that not heartbreaking!?

Men and women have not given up on love entirely, but many men feel the odds are stacked against them. The report shows widespread frustration around dating, expectations, and emotional confidence. We must teach boys the skills of relationships. Communication, boundaries, empathy, and reciprocity. These are not innate. They are skills, and they are teachable.

I’d say that these skills are just as important as a Maths GCSE… (Apologies to my father, ‘Mathematics’!) and should be prioritised even higher in schools.

And talking of fatherhood…

One stat jumped out at me: More than 80% of fathers say being a dad is the most important job in the world. As the father of a 3-year-old, I couldn’t agree more!

This statistic matters. Moving beyond fatherhood to all male relationships, it shows that caring masculinity is not fringe or new. It is mainstream. Men want to be present. They want to be involved. They want workplaces and systems that support them to care. When we support men to grow their emotional intelligence and care for others, boys grow up seeing nurturing behaviour from their male role models as normal, not unusual.

The report tells us we need to:

• Teach emotional skills in childhood
• Give boys safe spaces to talk openly
• Support men’s mental health without stigma
• Strengthen families and communities
• Address structural financial pressures
• Create safer, healthier digital ecosystems
• Celebrate fatherhood and men’s caring roles
• Expand masculinity rather than restrict it

Above all, we need to talk to and about boys and men with kindness.

We should never forget the human story behind the headlines, graphs, and statistics. Boys muddling through adolescence, men holding more than they can safely carry, and fathers trying to show up for their children and families in systems not designed to enable them.

They deserve support, and if we get this right, everyone will benefit.